{"id":970,"date":"2014-12-10T15:55:33","date_gmt":"2014-12-10T15:55:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alcove.tsestaging.com\/?page_id=970"},"modified":"2017-07-28T00:02:17","modified_gmt":"2017-07-28T00:02:17","slug":"whatisgrief","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/?page_id=970","title":{"rendered":"What is Grief?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Grief is the collection of thoughts and feelings that occur when a loved one dies. <\/p>\n

What is Mourning?<\/h3>\n

Mourning is the expression of grief. Children mourn through their behavior rather than verbal expression. <\/p>\n

The Tasks of Mourning<\/h4>\n
    \n
  1. Acknowledging the loss.<\/li>\n
  2. Experiencing the pain and reacting to the separation.<\/li>\n
  3. Moving adaptively into the new without forgetting the old.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Understanding the process of grief in children ages 6-12<\/h3>\n
    \n
    Features:<\/h5>\n
      \n
    • Concrete thinkers who are beginning to develop thinking patterns.<\/li>\n
    • They question how their lives will be different, what will be the same, and how one knows the person is dead.<\/li>\n
    • Usually interested in how the body works, may ask questions like: Did his blood get all over the windshield? Will her hair fall out now that she is dead?<\/li>\n
    • Their questions and play may be graphic and gory, displaying a fear of bodily harm and mutilation. (details are common).<\/li>\n
    • At this age they have a better understanding of death and comprehend that they too can die.<\/li>\n
    • They often perceive death as a punishment for something they did, and often associate guilt with death.<\/li>\n
    • They begin to fear death.<\/li>\n
    • They realize death is final and people they\t love can die too. <\/li>\n
    • There is curiosity regarding the biological \t aspects of death.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
      Things to keep in mind when dealing with elementary and middle school aged children:<\/h5>\n
        \n
      • They cannot sustain emotional pain for long\tperiods of time.<\/li>\n
      • DO NOT reject their emotions.<\/li>\n
      • DO NOT tell them how to feel or how not to feel.<\/li>\n
      • Death is not contagious- be sure to differentiate.<\/li>\n
      • Remember that children tend to idolize the dead…help them to gently regain their balance and perspective.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
        Common Behaviors to Expect: In Ages 6-9 <\/h5>\n
          \n
        • Regression to earlier behaviors.<\/li>\n
        • Crying, protest, pain, despair, disorganization.<\/li>\n
        • Fighting, anger, high anxiety.<\/li>\n
        • Daydreaming.<\/li>\n
        • Not completing homework or assignments.<\/li>\n
        • Stable eating\/ sleeping patterns are disrupted then return to “normal”.<\/li>\n
        • Withdrawal.<\/li>\n
        • Less willing to talk about death.<\/li>\n
        • Grief reactions ebb and flow.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
          How to Help:<\/h5>\n
            \n
          • Answer questions as clearly and accurately as possible.<\/li>\n
          • Refrain from using clichés.<\/li>\n
          • Respond compassionately.<\/li>\n
          • Be responsive to their needs without punishment or judgment.<\/li>\n
          • Provide art, music, and dance activities.<\/li>\n
          • Make time for physical outlets: sports, games, walks.<\/li>\n
          • Help the student identify and use support systems.<\/li>\n
          • Work with student around academic workload.<\/li>\n
          • Allow for expressions of feelings and emotions.<\/li>\n
          • Allow flexibility in routines and structure.<\/li>\n
          • Give the students choices whenever possible.<\/li>\n
          • Let the student know you care and are thinking of them.<\/li>\n
          • Assign the student a buddy who can work with him\/ her.<\/li>\n
          • Create a “ safe place” where a student can go if needed. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
            Common Behaviors to Expect: In Ages \t\t\tNine to Twelve: <\/h5>\n
              \n
            • Separation anxiety and fear.<\/li>\n
            • Reluctance to leave home and parents.<\/li>\n
            • May lose some manual skills.<\/li>\n
            • Their grades may fall, daydreaming and blaming…Do not \treprimand for poor grades.<\/li>\n
            • Denial, guilt, hostility, distancing.<\/li>\n
            • Argumentative.<\/li>\n
            • Withdrawal and sullenness.<\/li>\n
            • Anger and fighting.<\/li>\n
            • Sleepiness.<\/li>\n
            • Moodiness.<\/li>\n
            • Risk taking behaviors (dugs, sexual acting out, stealing).<\/li>\n
            • Erratic inconsistent reactions. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
              How to Help:<\/h5>\n
                \n
              • Expect and except mood swings.<\/li>\n
              • Provide a supportive environment where students can share, when needed.<\/li>\n
              • Anticipate increased physical concerns, including illness and body aches and pains.<\/li>\n
              • Allow the student to choose with whom and how she gets support.<\/li>\n
              • Encourage participation in a support group.<\/li>\n
              • Allow flexibility in completing school work.<\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n

                Understanding the Process of Grief in High School students<\/h2>\n
                \n
                Features:<\/h5>\n
                  \n
                • More adult thought processes evident.<\/li>\n
                • Able to think abstractly.<\/li>\n
                • Understand implications of death.<\/li>\n
                • Have feelings of immortality and realize life is fragile.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
                  Common Behaviors to Expect:<\/h5>\n
                    \n
                  • Assumes the adult role.<\/li>\n
                  • Preoccupation with death.<\/li>\n
                  • Withdrawal from parents and other adults.<\/li>\n
                  • Angry outbursts.<\/li>\n
                  • May attempt suicide as a gesture.<\/li>\n
                  • Increased risk taking behaviors.<\/li>\n
                  • Pushing the limits of the rules.<\/li>\n
                  • Lack of concentration: inability to focus.<\/li>\n
                  • Hanging out with a small group of friends.<\/li>\n
                  • Sad face evidence of crying.<\/li>\n
                  • Sleepiness, exhaustion.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
                    How to Help:<\/h5>\n
                      \n
                    • Allow for regression and dependency.<\/li>\n
                    • Encourage expression of feelings such as sorrow, anger guilt, regret.<\/li>\n
                    • Understand and allow for variation in maturity level.<\/li>\n
                    • Answer questions honestly and provide factual information.<\/li>\n
                    • Model appropriate responses, showing the students your own grief.<\/li>\n
                    • Avoid power struggles and allow choices.<\/li>\n
                    • Help students understand and resolve feelings of helplessness.<\/li>\n
                    • Assist students with plans for completion of assignments.<\/li>\n
                    • Allow for some flexibility in assignments…be willing to adapt assignments to topics relevant to student’s current experience.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                      Grief is the collection of thoughts and feelings that occur when a loved one dies. What is Mourning? Mourning is the expression of grief. Children mourn through their behavior rather […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"parent":954,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-970","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/970","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=970"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/970\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1951,"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/970\/revisions\/1951"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/954"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thealcove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}